sadness

The Third – Series Part 12

I get my best from you and my worst from you 

We were all given the short end of the stick

It’s generational

You passed that stick to me even shorter

Because I was born wrong 

Wrong gender

Wrong timing 

Wrong name 

Inconvenient 

You even realized you had me with the wrong person 

You let us know at every turn 

That we ain’t good enough 

Maybe that’s where I learned to strive for men who are unavailable 

Maybe I have daddy issues even tho my daddy was there the whole time 

I never told you this but

I’m not even mad at what you did to me

I was scared

Who’s ever seen such a tiny body hurt so badly ?

What if I didn’t make it

You taught me mental illness even though I couldn’t understand it yet 

You taught me what it means to be black in America 

You taught me capitalism at its finest 

You taught me how to point out flawed systems

Spoiler alert: it’s all of them 

You taught me what value is 

You also taught me paranoia 

You taught me how to endure abuse and still smile 

You taught me that God will ignore my prayers 

You taught me that I’m not worth time, only expensive things 

You taught me oxymorons 

Did you know I find myself going for broke boys because money ain’t never did shit for me ? 

Not really.

It only taught me what’s real and what isn’t. 

Money doesn’t fix the emotional scars from a Tasmanian like ass whoopin 

Money doesn’t stop alcoholism that leads to violence and makes me run like a chicken with its head cut off to hide all the weapons I could find before tucking myself quietly in a cabinet.

Money doesn’t cure cptsd

Money didn’t stop your son from…

Maybe I’ve said too much

Maybe I’m a little angry 

  • Not Jesse Jr

One Day – Series Part 9

One day the grass will be grown over 

And people won’t post anymore 

And your body will be dust 

But the memories will still be with me 

And the pain 

And the sadness 

And the inside jokes 

And the memories 

And all the love we shared 

Will have nowhere to go 

I’ll be missing you and you’ll be nothing nowhere 

One day the grass will cover the dirt but nothing will get rid of the hurt 

  • your cado 

Fraud

Oh looky there

The tears rolling in

She’s crying again

Crybaby, crybaby

You’re so weak

You don’t even follow all that shit that you speak

All that self-love, self-care

Can’t find that crap in you nowhere

I think you like it

I think it turns you on

I think you love to have them here

But feel better when they’re gone

I think you like being alone

I think you like feeling worthless

I think you lie when you talk about your purpose

Because what purpose ?

You ain’t even that deep

Your why is on the surface

You’re a fraud

You just like to be built up

You like to feel like a god

Then you like to fall from grace

Flat on your fucking face

Then blame everyone else for being in this place

You’re ridiculous

You’re dramatic

Oh and look at this

And you’re an addict

Go ahead

Fall back into your habits

Money can’t buy love

But money buys drugs

And that’s close enough

And if you get high enough

You won’t ask why and stuff

Let the tears dry up

More brown in your cup

You don’t even like to drink

But you need fucked up

You’re pathetic

You’ll never get it

NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU FOR YOU

Accept it