Don’t You Dare

I’ve been okay on my own

Who the hell are you to come along

Fucking shit up

Mixing up my plans

Inserting hope into the path where I had a one way ticket to-

I don’t even like to talk about it.

I wasn’t gonna talk about it because it was done.

Finito.

Finished.

El fin.

Then YOU, stormed in here smiling, goofin’ off

Being sweet and shit.

Taking my breath away, sweeping me off my feet and shit.

Who the hell do you think you are ???

Maybe I like being angry.

It’s familiar…

Reminds me of the parents I lost.

The siblings I once had.

My inevitable destination.

Maybe I wanted to be a ball of fury to blend into the hell I know is waiting for me on the other side.

Nigga, HOW DARE YOU !

Waltzing in here with a fire extinguisher like you own this bitch.

Like you pay some bills around this mothafucka.

I should slap you in yo mouth.

With my mouth of course.

I’m pissed but I wouldn’t dare treat you like these other mothafuckas.

Not even after you started reminding me of them.

You’re really different, even when the fuck up kinda looked the same.

I’ll give you that.

Because see…

I’ve had people thinking they’re the HBIC or the Big Dawg before waltzing in here before

But not with no fire extinguisher.

They brought fans, gasoline and more fire with their interruptions.

When I fell asleep in anger they put my thumb in my own mouth to coddle myself but when I woke up reminded me of what they did for me.

Now that’s fucked up.

A hell waitin’ on them too but a different kind.

My anger is more like a righteous indignation.

My past did a number on me.

I know most everyone can rightfully say that but yall got single digits, mostly self-inflicted.

I’m in the hundreds with it because of a hand I was dealt in a game I ain’t even ever wanna play.

HOW DARE YOU ?!

Don’t you dare come any closer.

I’m not comfortable with that.

I just might swing on that ass.

I know there’s a wide range of emotions but I only needed ONE.

I’m safe with one. This one that’s familiar.

And here yo happy ass come making me smile bringing in love and all that mushy shit.

Saying how natural it feels.

BOY IF YOU ONLY KNEW HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THIS WAS !

I’d say it was scary but I ain’t no hoe.

I take fear on the chin.

When it hits me, I eat that.

But this ?

I don’t know.

I don’t want you to leave but shit.

How dare you. I should smack you in the mouth, boy.

Fraud

Oh looky there

The tears rolling in

She’s crying again

Crybaby, crybaby

You’re so weak

You don’t even follow all that shit that you speak

All that self-love, self-care

Can’t find that crap in you nowhere

I think you like it

I think it turns you on

I think you love to have them here

But feel better when they’re gone

I think you like being alone

I think you like feeling worthless

I think you lie when you talk about your purpose

Because what purpose ?

You ain’t even that deep

Your why is on the surface

You’re a fraud

You just like to be built up

You like to feel like a god

Then you like to fall from grace

Flat on your fucking face

Then blame everyone else for being in this place

You’re ridiculous

You’re dramatic

Oh and look at this

And you’re an addict

Go ahead

Fall back into your habits

Money can’t buy love

But money buys drugs

And that’s close enough

And if you get high enough

You won’t ask why and stuff

Let the tears dry up

More brown in your cup

You don’t even like to drink

But you need fucked up

You’re pathetic

You’ll never get it

NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU FOR YOU

Accept it

Wading – Series Part 5

You keep me waiting 

Often 

But it’s my fault

Because I wait

I wade

You stray 

I stay 

But I feel out of place 

It’s a pattern 

Oh the games we play 

You love me one day 

 But the next have nothing to say ?

You’re selfish 

But it’s my fault 

Because I coddled that 

Shoulda left at the first red flag 

I already said that in another poem 

Why do I do this to myself ?

I ruin my mental health

Every

Fucking 

Time 

I’m an idiot 

I hate every bit of it 

I hate myself a little more every time 

How have I not drowned yet ?

I wade 

I wait 

It’s too late now

  • your solace serene