poetry

Don’t You Dare

I’ve been okay on my own

Who the hell are you to come along

Fucking shit up

Mixing up my plans

Inserting hope into the path where I had a one way ticket to-

I don’t even like to talk about it.

I wasn’t gonna talk about it because it was done.

Finito.

Finished.

El fin.

Then YOU, stormed in here smiling, goofin’ off

Being sweet and shit.

Taking my breath away, sweeping me off my feet and shit.

Who the hell do you think you are ???

Maybe I like being angry.

It’s familiar…

Reminds me of the parents I lost.

The siblings I once had.

My inevitable destination.

Maybe I wanted to be a ball of fury to blend into the hell I know is waiting for me on the other side.

Nigga, HOW DARE YOU !

Waltzing in here with a fire extinguisher like you own this bitch.

Like you pay some bills around this mothafucka.

I should slap you in yo mouth.

With my mouth of course.

I’m pissed but I wouldn’t dare treat you like these other mothafuckas.

Not even after you started reminding me of them.

You’re really different, even when the fuck up kinda looked the same.

I’ll give you that.

Because see…

I’ve had people thinking they’re the HBIC or the Big Dawg before waltzing in here before

But not with no fire extinguisher.

They brought fans, gasoline and more fire with their interruptions.

When I fell asleep in anger they put my thumb in my own mouth to coddle myself but when I woke up reminded me of what they did for me.

Now that’s fucked up.

A hell waitin’ on them too but a different kind.

My anger is more like a righteous indignation.

My past did a number on me.

I know most everyone can rightfully say that but yall got single digits, mostly self-inflicted.

I’m in the hundreds with it because of a hand I was dealt in a game I ain’t even ever wanna play.

HOW DARE YOU ?!

Don’t you dare come any closer.

I’m not comfortable with that.

I just might swing on that ass.

I know there’s a wide range of emotions but I only needed ONE.

I’m safe with one. This one that’s familiar.

And here yo happy ass come making me smile bringing in love and all that mushy shit.

Saying how natural it feels.

BOY IF YOU ONLY KNEW HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THIS WAS !

I’d say it was scary but I ain’t no hoe.

I take fear on the chin.

When it hits me, I eat that.

But this ?

I don’t know.

I don’t want you to leave but shit.

How dare you. I should smack you in the mouth, boy.

The Third – Series Part 12

I get my best from you and my worst from you 

We were all given the short end of the stick

It’s generational

You passed that stick to me even shorter

Because I was born wrong 

Wrong gender

Wrong timing 

Wrong name 

Inconvenient 

You even realized you had me with the wrong person 

You let us know at every turn 

That we ain’t good enough 

Maybe that’s where I learned to strive for men who are unavailable 

Maybe I have daddy issues even tho my daddy was there the whole time 

I never told you this but

I’m not even mad at what you did to me

I was scared

Who’s ever seen such a tiny body hurt so badly ?

What if I didn’t make it

You taught me mental illness even though I couldn’t understand it yet 

You taught me what it means to be black in America 

You taught me capitalism at its finest 

You taught me how to point out flawed systems

Spoiler alert: it’s all of them 

You taught me what value is 

You also taught me paranoia 

You taught me how to endure abuse and still smile 

You taught me that God will ignore my prayers 

You taught me that I’m not worth time, only expensive things 

You taught me oxymorons 

Did you know I find myself going for broke boys because money ain’t never did shit for me ? 

Not really.

It only taught me what’s real and what isn’t. 

Money doesn’t fix the emotional scars from a Tasmanian like ass whoopin 

Money doesn’t stop alcoholism that leads to violence and makes me run like a chicken with its head cut off to hide all the weapons I could find before tucking myself quietly in a cabinet.

Money doesn’t cure cptsd

Money didn’t stop your son from…

Maybe I’ve said too much

Maybe I’m a little angry 

  • Not Jesse Jr

Oh, Wow – Series Part 10

Damn that’s it ?

No good byes 

No why’s 

No damn what the fucks

Just… *poof*

You disappear into thin air 

Did you ever care ?

She said you have no friends 

I think about it now and again 

What were we doing that whole time then ?

We all know I have a thing for sociopaths 

Maybe our paths

Only crossed 

From the calculated moves of a so called boss

And you used me 

But as the plot thickened and you bruised me

So easily 

You threw me away ?

Not a single “please stay” ?

What were we doin’

Sometimes I feel like it was my fault but apparently there was nothing ever there to ruin

Like, oh. Wow. 

  • Your Warrior