My energy flows where the wild ones go
Amber lights down dark paths
Filling what was once hollow
My body shivers as I imagine
Finally stepping out of the shadows
Venturing into the unknown
Too curious not to follow
My energy flows where the wild ones go
Amber lights down dark paths
Filling what was once hollow
My body shivers as I imagine
Finally stepping out of the shadows
Venturing into the unknown
Too curious not to follow
I’ve been okay on my own
Who the hell are you to come along
Fucking shit up
Mixing up my plans
Inserting hope into the path where I had a one way ticket to-
I don’t even like to talk about it.
I wasn’t gonna talk about it because it was done.
Finito.
Finished.
El fin.
Then YOU, stormed in here smiling, goofin’ off
Being sweet and shit.
Taking my breath away, sweeping me off my feet and shit.
Who the hell do you think you are ???
Maybe I like being angry.
It’s familiar…
Reminds me of the parents I lost.
The siblings I once had.
My inevitable destination.
Maybe I wanted to be a ball of fury to blend into the hell I know is waiting for me on the other side.
Nigga, HOW DARE YOU !
Waltzing in here with a fire extinguisher like you own this bitch.
Like you pay some bills around this mothafucka.
I should slap you in yo mouth.
With my mouth of course.
I’m pissed but I wouldn’t dare treat you like these other mothafuckas.
Not even after you started reminding me of them.
You’re really different, even when the fuck up kinda looked the same.
I’ll give you that.
Because see…
I’ve had people thinking they’re the HBIC or the Big Dawg before waltzing in here before
But not with no fire extinguisher.
They brought fans, gasoline and more fire with their interruptions.
When I fell asleep in anger they put my thumb in my own mouth to coddle myself but when I woke up reminded me of what they did for me.
Now that’s fucked up.
A hell waitin’ on them too but a different kind.
My anger is more like a righteous indignation.
My past did a number on me.
I know most everyone can rightfully say that but yall got single digits, mostly self-inflicted.
I’m in the hundreds with it because of a hand I was dealt in a game I ain’t even ever wanna play.
HOW DARE YOU ?!
Don’t you dare come any closer.
I’m not comfortable with that.
I just might swing on that ass.
I know there’s a wide range of emotions but I only needed ONE.
I’m safe with one. This one that’s familiar.
And here yo happy ass come making me smile bringing in love and all that mushy shit.
Saying how natural it feels.
BOY IF YOU ONLY KNEW HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THIS WAS !
I’d say it was scary but I ain’t no hoe.
I take fear on the chin.
When it hits me, I eat that.
But this ?
I don’t know.
I don’t want you to leave but shit.
How dare you. I should smack you in the mouth, boy.
I get my best from you and my worst from you
We were all given the short end of the stick
It’s generational
You passed that stick to me even shorter
Because I was born wrong
Wrong gender
Wrong timing
Wrong name
Inconvenient
You even realized you had me with the wrong person
You let us know at every turn
That we ain’t good enough
Maybe that’s where I learned to strive for men who are unavailable
Maybe I have daddy issues even tho my daddy was there the whole time
I never told you this but
I’m not even mad at what you did to me
I was scared
Who’s ever seen such a tiny body hurt so badly ?
What if I didn’t make it
You taught me mental illness even though I couldn’t understand it yet
You taught me what it means to be black in America
You taught me capitalism at its finest
You taught me how to point out flawed systems
Spoiler alert: it’s all of them
You taught me what value is
You also taught me paranoia
You taught me how to endure abuse and still smile
You taught me that God will ignore my prayers
You taught me that I’m not worth time, only expensive things
You taught me oxymorons
Did you know I find myself going for broke boys because money ain’t never did shit for me ?
Not really.
It only taught me what’s real and what isn’t.
Money doesn’t fix the emotional scars from a Tasmanian like ass whoopin
Money doesn’t stop alcoholism that leads to violence and makes me run like a chicken with its head cut off to hide all the weapons I could find before tucking myself quietly in a cabinet.
Money doesn’t cure cptsd
Money didn’t stop your son from…
Maybe I’ve said too much
Maybe I’m a little angry
Damn that’s it ?
No good byes
No why’s
No damn what the fucks
Just… *poof*
You disappear into thin air
Did you ever care ?
She said you have no friends
I think about it now and again
What were we doing that whole time then ?
We all know I have a thing for sociopaths
Maybe our paths
Only crossed
From the calculated moves of a so called boss
And you used me
But as the plot thickened and you bruised me
So easily
You threw me away ?
Not a single “please stay” ?
What were we doin’
Sometimes I feel like it was my fault but apparently there was nothing ever there to ruin
Like, oh. Wow.
You’re too selfish to give me all that you got
You need someone less busy
I need someone more patient
More attentive
We thought all we needed was time
But I was too busy to make it
And you were too impatient to give it
We never talked about it
I mean we did but it’s useless when you don’t use the right words